It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
We have the best government that money can buy.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.